The Daily News

There was a little boy in my class who was very smart. During reading and language arts time, I would have him read articles from the Austin American Statesman. Then he would do a project with the article. One day he told me that he needed to take the paper home that night before he could do the project. I asked him why, and he responded, "I think I need to sit on the toilet to read this article better."

Who is my grandpa?

One day I was picking up my students after lunch. Johnny and Sammy were arguing. I approached and asked, "Boys, what is going on?" Sammy said, "Mrs. Lyons, Johnny said my grandpa has hairy balls." I had a very shocked look on my face and said, "Johnny, what did you say?" Before Johnny had a chance to respond, Sammy said, "Mrs. Lyons, I don't even know who my grandpa is!"

Tigers, and lions, and bears, Oh MY!

A group of kindergarten students were looking at cards with pictures on them. The pictures were zebra, lion, tiger, and cow. The teacher asked which animal didn't belong. A little girl responded, "The tiger doesn't belong." The teacher asked her why. "Because it belongs in the zoo.

I hear you knocking

Sammy came to me and told me that last night someone knocked on their door. Everyone in the family turned off the light and hid so that the person would not know that they were home. I looked at him and said, "Do you know the person who was at the door?" He told that they did. He said it was Aaron and they didn't want him to know they were home because he wanted to get their television. I asked him why they wanted his television. At first he said he didn't know, but there was a funny look in his eye. I then asked him if it was their television or Aaron's television. After a few minutes he told me Aaron's last name. It was Aaron Rents.

Are you in a cycle?

Little Johnny came up to my desk and said, “My mother told me not to tell you, but my brother is in a cycle.” I asked him what he meant. He said, well he is in jail, out of jail, in jail, out of jail. I asked if he was in or out now. He said he was in jail because he took prescription drugs to school.
He said the drugs were his mother’s but they weren’t bad drugs for her. His mom thought she was accidently throwing some of the pills away. Then he said, “We don’t really think his lawyer cares about him. Do you know anyone who could be his lawyer?”

New Underwear

Little Johnny kept pulling at his underwear yesterday. It was all day long! I finally asked him what the problem was. He said his mother bought him new ones and they kept pulling up. I told him to tell his mother and he shouldn’t wear them today. Well, guess what? He had the same kind on again today. He kept pulling and pulling. I called him to the hall to talk to him. I asked him if he could explain what the problem was so I could see if there was anything I could do. He said they fit tight and kept riding up. He said his mother said if he would wear them all morning then they would feel better. I said, “Johnny, do you have any of your old ones that you could wear tomorrow?” He said, “I don’t know but I guess I could go free ball!”